Sunday, 26 June 2011

26th June 2011

I woke up  at 6:38 am and smelled the fresh air entering through the grilled windows and the little space between the door and the panel. I opened the door and let the cool breeze wrap itself around me. The birds sang their beautiful morning songs in melodious chirping. I took a deep breathe and inhaled the sweet fresh air. After I finished cleaning my room and putting everything in place, I sat down in my balcony with the laptop to share this peaceful moment as I admired the nature's beauty. Its 8:25 and I'm still sitting on my towel covered chair, typing and sipping juice. The scenario is too wonderful to turn away from. The green leaves of the tree covered with morning dew, the clear blue sky and the flock of birds that fly across the sky! It saddens me that most people do not know how to enjoy the beauty of this nature, the resources we are depending on.
This world has gotten used to taking everything for granted and now the nature. If it wasn't for this nature we wouldn't be alive now. And probably only 10 in a million actually think and care about it.
You know, there more important things in life apart from BBM-ing, shopping, keeping boyfriends, gossiping and  etc.

Wake up people, for once in your life try to look at life from a different angle and analyse it! Might help a few douche bags out there reading this.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Second Chance

Do you believe in second chances?
Have you ever messed up and thought to yourself that you want another chance to make things right and you get it?

As for me, I did get a second chance to make things right. To make up for the loss, to prove to myself that I can do great things if I just put my mind to it and to make my folks proud. 23 June 2011 6:54 pm the e-mail arrived in my inbox. The subject of the e-mail - Selection for the applied programme at Institute of Apparel Management. Obviously I jumped in my seat by just reading the subject. I opened the e-mail, read the first line and screamed like a victim being murdered! I just knew that this was it. MY second chance was here and I had to make full use of it. Needless to say, I gave my parents and my sister the happiness they had longed for. Finally, my first step to glory had been paid for. And I am as happy as my family and my friends are, a little nervous but overwhelmed.

Happiness can't be described in words so I'm gonna end it here.I just want to enjoy the moment because I'm finally at peace!

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

It's not worth the time

Sometimes when I am think about my past, I always come across a particular incident which had happened with a friend. She was my "best friend" at that time, 12th grade, and we were inseparable. She had a very different personality yet we had so much in common. The situations we've been through, the kind of phases we faced, and most important was that we were both Scorpions. That got us closer together and we loved each others company.

But all friendships don't have a happy ending, do they? Things happen which lead to petty fights, then ignorance, irritation, jealousy, bigger fights, hatred and after that you don't want see that person again ever with whom you've spent your college life with. Silly things that are ought to be ignored grow into longer conversations and bitter confrontations. For a moment there, you lose your mind and feel so betrayed which makes us more violent towards the situation, and over what? Reasons like - "how could you hang out with them when you're supposed to with me?!" "so now you've got male best friends and they are much cooler?" "you talk about me behind my back pretending to be my best friend" "she never gifts me anything even though I have given her so much" "she parties too often and brings friends I don't know". Are these reasons worth fighting for? Worth losing a good friend? Funny that its coming from me since I was the one who started the fight with my best friend.

Some of us find it hard to let go of  it, like me, and the rest move on and don't really give a damn because they got better things to do in life than moan over people who don't mean much to them. My mistake was that I should have let go of it from the very first moment when I knew it was the end. Well, I tried but what kept chewing my brains was one question "why?"  I didn't want it to be a mystery, I just wanted the reason because then I would stop guessing. I waited and waited but I din't get the answer I expected and as usual I lost my cool. I said things I weren't supposed to which obviously scared her and ran away even further from the truth. Then I finally got over it when god punished her and I witnessed it. That's when I realized, if its not meant to be you shouldn't waste your time trying to make it happen and that people who deserve to be punished get punished at one point of time, no matter when it is. When you try to control the situation too much, it gets out of hand which doesn't turn out to be a glorious moment for you or for anyone else.
So, we should all learn to let go and move on because whatever happens - happens for a reason.

Monday, 20 June 2011

UsEleSs..yet AgAiN

So, my exam is over and now I have practically nothing to do. I went to my friends place yesterday for a sleepover, we watched movies, did some girl talk and gossiping, cooked food, ate, watched movies again. Today is a new day, and as of now I haven't thought of a way to kill time. Maybe I'll paint, or watch T.V or.....?? Out of options...probably go out. Not to sure about that, anyways the bright side of this situation is that I'm home alone, which means I can do WHATEVER I WANT.

Not much right today, if you hadn't noticed I haven't talked about my life before and the amount of emotions that had clouded my mind. I will do it soon.


Sunday, 19 June 2011

Today is "the day"

Its here, the day I have been impatiently waiting for! I'm being a nervous wreck right now. I awoke at 6:10 am and straight sat to revise the question paper, mostly math. Anyway, I can't decide what clothes to wear, what shoes to put on, what kind of make-up to wear. I can't even decide whether I should go with the tomboy avatar or chic. Well, I got my stationary and my ID ready. All I need to focus on is my confidence and attitude, then I'll be ready to leave. I just hope everything turns out well, I wouldn't be able to handle another disappointment.

By the way, if you hadn't noticed its 19th June and its Father's Day today! I haven't gifted anything to my dad but I did wish him in the morning. Lets see if I can get anything nice for him.
Wish me luck!

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Just Another Day

Well, its just another day at home. Last night I discovered that my lens were giving me trouble and that my eye power might have increased. So, I had asked my mum to do 'pranayam' with me today morning. As promised we did pranayam in the morning and little bit of yoga. It freshened me a bit and I think I'm going to stick to this every morning. Let's see for how long!. Anyway, my entrance exam for IAM is tomorrow and I'm totally prepared I have studied for days even though there wasn't much to study, but I'm not taking anything for granted.  I'm desperately hoping that this day passes by soon and that tomorrow morning I wake up ready to give my exam. Clearing this entrance is of vital importance in my life right now. I need to get through no matter what.

Let me write little bit about IAM(Institute of Apparel Management). My dad had found the advertisement of this college in the newspaper and he did some research on it, while I was busy packing in Mumbai. I had applied for it as soon as I came here. Anyway, my dad, mum and my sister went to look at the campus which is nearby to our house. Its apparently called the APPAREL HOUSE. Its connected with the APEC, Ministry of Textiles and IGNOU. The director of this institute is the ex-director of NIFT and the staff too are from NIFT. The campus has a multi-storeyed building with glass walls and a large illustration of a female model in a gown. The classrooms are on the 7Th Floor. They are equipped with the latest sewing machines, and big classrooms, a spacious library and a huge canteen. I bumped into one of my friends from DPS form 7th grade. I got quite a lot of info from her.
Naturally, I fell in love with the campus and so did my sister. My dad by the way was more excited than we were. He has a strong feeling that this college would give me what I want and get me where I want to get. Now the day I have been waiting for more than a month is arriving in 8 hours. Wish me luck!

P.S the weather had become a little unpredictable here and it's humid which I don't like one bit because it makes my skin oily, yuck!

How it all started! - Part 2

As I was saying, I  now realize my big mistake of taking everything for granted. Let me tell you about my days in 'hell'. First of all, when I first moved into the hostel, it was a flat. On the third floor with a beautiful view of the beach and the unpleasant view of the slums. It was nice, airy, spacious and peaceful, at first I might add. Well, eventually I burst out of my bubble and started talking to my roommates. They weren't very entertaining. Anyway, more girls came later that year and they were all from Delhi and I was relieved and delighted that I now have someone I have common with. Gradually we made a gang of 6 "inseparable idiots" and we had much more in common than I had thought. Things happened, my college was useless, since they had NO proper teachers and the principal was an imbecile , so was the staff. Anyway, what brought my gang closer was the problem we were all having with the injustice done to us by the college. We did not receive what we were promised. We fought for it, but in vain. Why? Because money got in the way. Yes the principal was a manipulative witch who would go to any extend to extract the notes from a person.

I went into depression because I did not want to tell my parents about the misery at first. I did not want them to think that it was a total mistake and I knew they would be disappointed in me. It hurt me by just thinking the tension my parents were going through. So, I was trying NOT to be a burden due to which I ended up in a deep dark hole and if it wasn't for my idiot roommates, I would've not been able to climb out of the hole.
Later, at the end of year, we all decided to leave the institute. Since it was the question of our career, we had to push aside the thought that we were all getting separated. Some of us gave the exam and the rest came back to where they belonged. Yes, I shifted back to Gurgaon where I grew up and had longed to come back for years(because I had moved to Bangalore and lived there for 6 years).

When I was on my way back to Gurgaon, after all the teary good-byes with my roomies, I was hit by a lightning that made me realize what a fool I have been all along. I regretted for not listening to my sister and my parents, and the fact that I had gone in so much loss in just a year was an unbearable pain but I had to make things right. As soon as I reached Gurgaon, I was home with my parents, my lovely house and I felt so secure and strong like nothing would break me again. I started preparing for an entrance exam for Institute of Apparel Management. What I'm trying to imply here is that, teens don't usually listen to what their parents say, and I'm not saying that you should always listen to them,  but when they give elderly advise about something that DOES make sense in our heads we should follow it. Usually whatever they say is out of concern and they exaggerate and overreact about silly little things but that's why they are parents. In this period of time, I have learnt to think straight and keep my priorities in line. I'm just 18, I still have little bit of a child in me, but I'm growing up to make decisions and consult my mum(which I  never used to do). I think I have a little bit of my sister's strictness in me and that helps and I am happy that she's always been there to keep me strong and support me.

Special regards to my sister- Even though we fight like cats and dogs, you are my role model and I will always love you :)

Friday, 17 June 2011

How it all started!

My days of being in 12th grade were fading away and as expected my sister asked me "the" question, that had to be answered before my final exams, which was "what do you want to do after this?". And obviously I answered to her much awaited question in a second, "fashion designing". I got the "you sure?" expression from her and me being 'me' just shrugged it off. Little did I know that that shrug would cost me a year! So, my exams  finish and I was at home downloading application forms for colleges and my sister did some extra research, because I'm too lazy and laid-back, my imagination got wild. How? well, lets just say I became "Alice in wonderland" after that day. Thinking about how I would pass the entrance for NIFT/NID/others and complete my years of acquiring fascinating knowledge of fashion while my friends were forced to study engineering. I thought about how I would become a designer and earn a bomb. But not even for 1 second did I think that, what if I don't clear the entrances?

It is said, "you don't always get what you want". Well that's true for sure because I did not clear the examinations in the top colleges and I was devastated. It was then that I regretted not listening to my sister when she had said to keep my options open and have an alternative. Then, my sister suggested that I move to Mumbai since the fashion industry there is much more vast. I did as she suggested and moved to Mumbai in 4 days!..yes, it was really quick. Anyway, when I got to Mumbai with my mum, I found INIFD which was apparently my last option. And I joined as soon as possible. Soon, I moved into the hostel provided by the college and lot of tears flew out when mum left me and I missed her terribly just as she sat in the rickshaw and took off. The thought of staying alone in a new city was exactly what I always wanted but it now terrified me.

But I came here to make my future, is what I had thought at that point. Who knew it would turn out to be the most horrific time of my life! Not the city nor the people but the college was what broke me into pieces. I was disappointed in myself and hoped that only if  I had thought this through by keeping my pride aside, that I would've had a better life....